Susan

Well, here we are, my first rant, may people say theres no better feeling in world than having a good rant, I for one agree so for this reason and this reason alone I have decided to name my rants, I call this particular gem, Susan... Enjoy!

We've all seen them, in the park, at the beach, they're everywhere I'm talking of course about the demonic abominations, yes I am going to rant about Crocs, or is it Crocks, to be honest I don't care but I do care about your saftey so i'm going to warn you now, these things are evil.

This is how they came up with the name, imagine yourself in a dulled room where they are unvieling a lump of multi-coloured plastic in the rough shape of a shoe where around a innapropriatley large table ten people with expensive yet undeniabley boring hair cuts mutter, nod and shower it with praises, but then suddenly theres a spanner in the works, what should we name this beautiful creation? After hours of long debate they settle on the one word that represents the shoes well enough, an enormous ugly, green, mud dwelling reptile which would happily snap you up as an apertiser I am talking of course about the crocodile, but oh no that name is far to long, all the youths of today who want to buy themselves a cool hip piece of brightly coloured plastic covered in holes to wear on there feet wouldn't remember that name, we must abbreviate it, suddenly the sullen looking bald guy in the corner stops chewing his collar for a second, stands up and triumphantly yells "Crocs, these shoes shall be called crocs!" before sitting down and having a god induced heart attack for bringing a name to satans latest creation.

There is a simple warning in the name, now would you put your foot inside a crocodiles mouth, no? Why? Because the beast would just devour your foot and if your particularly unlucky (Like I ofcourse am) the rest of your body. So are you going to put your foot in a croc? Just to have it swallow and digest your limbs? I think not, hear me, my advise could well save your life. If you ever have the misfortune to be approached by a wearer of these... for lack of a better word shoes. You should slap them as hard as you can take off they're shoes, pee on them and run like the wind. Why you ask, because this will confuse the crocs and they're wearer enabling you to make a quick escape before your brainwashed into wearing some yourself.

You didn't actually think that people choose to wear them did you? No, ofcourse not your not that naive, they actually have tiny mind control divises smaller than the smallest grain of sand hidden in the soles, this makes the wearer buy more of different colours and get little knick-knacks and bricka-brack to insert into the holes to make your crocs look unique, well trust me girls im sure they'res another person in the world who put a love heart and a flower on their brand new bright pink crocs, YOUR JUST NOT THAT SPECIAL, OTHER PEOPLE DO IT TO...

Now... Don't say you haven't been warned for I have to told you everything I know, If you have any embarassing tales or stories of vicious attack by the man-eating terrors then please leave them below... And if your looking to sue me, I didn't mean the shoes I meant the erm... Goodnight folks and once again, have a great day!