How not to pack bags...

Hello ladies and gentle men and wierd perverted stalkers of the internet who, after several disturbing emials, I am not going to take my top off for... Tonight for the first time ever (In the 3rd day of my blog) I am going to tell you about a time in my own life, excited? Good, you should be!

As you may or may not be aware I am a scout, yes I'm one of those wierd nerdy people who gets their jollies by errecting tents and tying knots, well anyway I was once at a supermarket packing bags to raise money for some or other camp that I myself WASN'T EVEN GOING ON, so heres how it started...

My dad just dropped me and my friend off for the day in the sainsburys car park, we walked inside in full uniform, silly neckerchief, uncorfortable shirt, stupid badges and everything, you should have seen the looks we got as we were going inside, I can feel the eyes of everyone under 30 burning into me, I almost hear there inner laughter as we strolled shyly into the supermarket, when we had found our leaders we were giving buckets and told to go and find a till that would actually accept us, we thought this was a joke, boy were we wrong. When we actaully found tills that would let us bag pack we settled in and enjoyed the never ending bombardment of 'No thank you, I'll pack it myself' and the odd 2p or school voucher that we OBVIOUSLY didn't need a scouts chucked into the bucket from a safe distance so they didn't have to touch us.

After about 20 consecutive no's I was getting a little bored but then came the perfect old lady who hopefully would be my first customer, I put on my sweetest voice, fluttered my eyes and said "Exuse me ma'am would you like some help packing?" you want to know her response?
"NO, I CAN PACK MYSELF IM NOT DISABLED YOU LITTLE THUG!" Yes, well, that wasn't how I expected it to go...

Next I had another old lady and her friend who was possibley even older, anyway they accepted my offer but when it came to packing they were fussier than I ever could have imagined, as I was packing I was showered with comments such as "Cheese doesn't go with the flour, THEY'RE DIFFERENT COLOURS YOU NUMB-SKULL" and "Could you please re-do this bag, I think my mushrooms rolled out of place" After spending half an hour packing one small basket of shopping she was finally satisfied, although a que of epic proportions had formed behind her.

After that was the worst off all... Another old woman, this one actually looked like an agent of satan, and yet I still had to ask. I crossed my fingers and hoped with every fiber of my being that she would say no, obviously I don't have enough fibers, she said yes. After packing everything for her without any problems I was actually beginning to think 'Wow, this isn't so bad after all' but then, almost as soon as the thought crossed my mind she shouted in her shrill, ear drum shattering voice "WHERES MY CHEESE?" "I put in with the other dairy products" I answered calmly, she ripped the bag open took a quater of a second glance into it then resumed galring at me "ITS NOT IN THERE, YOU'VE STOLEN IT HAVEN'T YOU!" Honestly, have you ever been frisked for a chunk of red liester? No, didn't think so.

Then came the a man so huge the ground shook under his mighty hoofs, and i'm not talking about good muscelly huge, I mean like blubbery, fat, hairy, smelly huge, it was disgusting, he probably had chins running all the way down to his belly button under his super tight, leave nothing to the imagination t-shirt. He was wearing shades, a ten gallon hat, a I Heart USA shirt and had bought a years supply of chocolate spray cream and canned sausages, it would be intresting to see how many dishes he could make out that lovely pair of ingrediants. The total of his shop came to £52.87. He reached into his little old fashion style, metal fastened coin purse and produced a fist full of sweat drenched notes, the woman behind the counter counted them and said in an irritated tone "Thats only £25 sir, I need £52.87..." He then made a noise like a whale being strangled, I think he was trying to speak, it sounded like this "Blub, blub, blub, Gruuuuup, Blubblef!" He then once again reached inside his purse and brought out another fist full of notes, the cashier counted again, sighed and said "Thats £50 sir, I still need another 87p" Once again he opened his pie hole and let forth a cry of "Glup, oooop, blub blub?" Thrusting another £30 pounds into the cashiers hands, taking his shopping and walking away quietly 'Blubbing' to himself, the cashier shouted "Sir, you've left £25 change, sir!" He just turned his head slightly and shouted "Gleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerp, BLUBBER!" and strode out of the shop.

Well, if i've taught you anything with this post, DON'T GO BAG PACKING!!!
Have a great day!